by Glynn Rudolph
This is my first guest post, contributed by MasterChef 2014 finalist Glynn Rudolph (one half of the duo Glynn and James). You did not read the title wrong, it is a piece of erotic fiction with recipes inspired by it / that inspire it. As you can imagine it contains adult language and, in the words of Ira Glass, "acknowledges the existence of sex". It is not NSFW per se but I wouldn't suggest reading it there. Enjoy!
She finished the meal; arms fell to her sides, silver cutlery clattered to the floor. She smiled straight down the middle of the table, straight at me. Her white linen shift stained with the runaways and near misses of an eager appetite, her full lips stained dark with wine curved in a secret as she arched her back and stretched, pushing against the back of her chair. She let fall a finger and danced it across her plate, the lake disturbed, rippled and dripping from her fingertip as she ran it up the side of her neck, tracing tendons which like warm, lazy snakes, vacillated under her skin. Eventually to her mouth, teeth down tongue out nail bitten nail licked.
She shrugged one shoulder; a single strap fell sliding down her arm in slow motion - letting me see her. ‘Appetite for appetite’, the tip of the tongue flicking across her teeth said in a whispered promise; and my fingernails dug deep into the dark wood of the table. Her exposed breast rose and fell in time with my breath, nipple ripe and hard - she reached for wine and gripped the glass with her teeth - near hard enough to shatter. She drank deep; no attention paid to the reaching red rivulets that ran dancing from the sides of her mouth, across her breasts some, others down her arms eventually to drip from languid antenna to the floor. Others from her elbow to mix with forgotten flavours and colours, the violent collision of nature and element left still and silent upon the plate.
Glass crashed back to the table unsteady, gave in, and fell rolling already forgotten to one side. With a clicking of her neck and a bending of her spine, she sighed and stretched once more. Sated, her legs fell apart, the shift riding high upon her. She licked her lips and ran her palms over shining skin, naked thighs. My Maenad at rest.
'Dessert', in a low voice, water bouncing from midnight rocks.
I stood, pushed my plate to the floor, laughed as it shattered, and climbed atop the table. On all fours I crawled to her. Juice and jus, greenery and grape, sea and shell, fin and fish, fucked off and pushed aside, platters shoved screaming to crash one by one like a protest chant – to lay there as abstract and watercolour; a reminder of our excess till morning come. A cat, sub-rosa, come calling on her. Finally palm to knee, knee to palm, a finished trek through the orphaned and delicious and forgotten – remembered only as I licked the wine from her skin, her lips, smelling the now resting hunger in her hair, tousled and tangled as it had become.
'Fuck, I think I have like, two or three scoops of goody-goody gum drops in the freezer eh, you keen?' I purred.
'Yeah!' she said, 'Yum as!'
'Jesus, I think I'm going to fucking puke. That was a shit load of food for two people.'
'Totally,’ as she held her belly, ‘I'm going to need to take a dump after dessert.’
Note: Both of the following are inspired by recipes in Al Brown's Go Fish.
Mussels with Arabbiatta Sauce and Vintage Cheese
1/3 cup olive oil
6 large cloves fresh minced garlic
4 dried chillies, or 1 tsp of chilli flakes
1/2 cup port
1/2 cup red wine
2 tins of whole peeled tomatoes (blitzed)
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 tablespooon sugar
sea salt and black pepper
- Heat oil in a sauce pan on moderate heat
- Add garlic and chilli, stir until garlic starts to colour
- Add port and red wine
- Simmer for 4 minutes
- Add tomatoes, tomato paste and sugar
- Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes
- Turn off heat, mix in butter and season according to taste
Desired amount of cleaned, prepared mussels (5-7 Per Person works)
2 cups white wine
500g good quality vintage cheddar
chopped parsley (to garnish)
- Place mussels in large pot or saucepan
- Add wine, cover, and place on a high heat
- Once the majority of mussels open, remove from heat
- Strain mussels and spread on a tray and let them cool
- Once cool remove the top half of shell of each mussel and set aside
- Carefully remove the mussel from the bottom half of the shell taking care not to tear it and discard the shell
- Place removed mussels in set aside shells, and cover with a generous amount of arrabbiata sauce, and a good amount of cheese
- Place under pre-heated grill for 3-4 minutes or until cheese is golden
- Remove, garnish with parsley and serve immediately
Roasted Groper with Chorizo Potatoes & Scallop Mayonnaise
200g New Zealand scallops
1/2 teaspoon sweet smoked paprika
1 teaspoon tomato paste
3 tablespoons finely cut chives
4 egg yolks
1 teaspoon dijon mustard
4 teaspoon lemon juice
2 teaspoon cider vinegar
1 teaspoon water
1 teaspoon sugar
1 1/2 cups canola oil
Sea salt and black pepper
- Place egg yolks, mustard, lemon juice, vinegar, water and sugar in a bowl
- Using a wand blender, process for 5 seconds or until incorporated
- With the blender still running, slowly add the oil bit by bit until all used
- Leave to sit for 10 minutes
- Add paprika, tomato paste, and chives
- Halve the scallops horizontally, and quickly pan fry in olive oil on a medium-high heat (no more than 10 seconds is required)
- Remove and place onto a paper towel
- Add scallops to mayonnaise and mix thoroughly.
- Add pepper and sea salt to taste (don’t be shy with the salt)
- Set aside or refrigerate until ready
800g new potatoes
400g chorizo (sliced into rounds)
1 cup thinly sliced shallots
2 roasted red capsicum (roughly chopped)
Method: Chorizo Potatoes
- Place the potatoes in a pot, cover with cold salted water and bring to boil
- Once boiling, reduce heat and simmer until potatoes are just tender through centre
- Remove, strain, and cool in fridge
- Once cool, cut into 5mm rounds
- Heat a skillet to medium heat, add cooking oil
- Add the chorizo and shallots, tossing occasionally until caramelised
- Remove from heat and place the chorizo and shallots in a bowl (don’t clean the skillet)
- Place skillet back on heat and carefully sauté the potato rounds until golden on both sides, add small amounts of cooking oil if and when required
- Place potatoes when done in an ovenproof dish and spoon the chorizo and shallots evenly over
- Place the chopped red capsicum evenly over
- Season with sea salt and lots of pepper
- Keep warm in oven
6 x 150g groper fillets
Sea Salt and Black Pepper
Canola oil (for frying)
- Preheat the oven to 150 degrees C
- Place a skillet or saucepan on medium-high heat
- Season the groper fillets with generous amounts of sea salt and black pepper
- Add cooking oil to pan, then 3 fillets of groper.
- Turn groper after a two minutes / as it is going golden brown.
- Cook for further two minutes and remove from pan
- Place fillets on lightly oiled oven tray
- Repeat for remaining fillets, then finish in oven for a further 4 minutes
3/4 cup roughly chopped fresh basil
3 Tbsp Sweet Spanish Sherry Vinegar
¼ Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
- Whisk together the vinegar and olive oil. Set aside.
- toss the basil through the chorizo potatoes and spoon out onto plates and drizzle the vinegar and olive oil mix over top.
- Top with the Groper fillets, and spoon the scallop mayo over the top of the fish.
- Grind over fresh black pepper, and serve immediately!
Photo credits: Glynn Rudolph and Dave Lawn